Humor: Students Form Hall Pass Black Market

by Noah Corman ‘19 Sherwood’s administration is under scrutiny for its lack of attention given to important school issues. Of late, the school has focused its attention on misplaced and stolen hall passes while other school matter, such as academics, have taken a back seat. “My AP World class has a long-term substitute, and we’re worried we won’t be learning … Read More

Humor: Spoiled Brat Throws Tantrum after Rejected from University of Maryland

by Natalie Murray ‘18 Senior Chad Fitzgerald has everything he wants in life—a good group of friends, a cute girlfriend, a really nice car, a varsity letter from being the captain of the lacrosse team—but he does not have a college acceptance letter. After 18 years of having a perfect life where everything goes his way, Fitzgerald is struggling to … Read More

Humor: MCPS Finds Allies in the Far Right Due to Mutual Fear of Snowflakes

by Josh Averbach ‘18 After a recent snowstorm, MCPS employee Rob Sanderson accidentally texted Jake Richards, a controversial right-wing commentator who he had been friends with decades ago, a message detailing his hatred of snowflakes. To Sanderson’s surprise, Richards replied enthusiastically. “Bro, tell me about it. I just had to cancel an event last week at West Texas College because … Read More

Humor: Death of Bathroom Parties Makes Way for New ‘Classroom Parties’

by Joshy Averbach ‘18 and Isabella Pilot ‘18 After 2016’s incident involving an injured security guard and a mob of rowdy students, Sherwood thought it had seen the last of “bathroom parties,” which teacher Paul Brown referred to as a “scourge on our otherwise pure school sent straight from the depths of hell.” However, in an attempt to celebrate their … Read More

Humor: The Hall Pass Debacle

By Noah Corman The administration is under scrutiny for its prioritizing of important school issues. Of late, the school has focused its attention on misplaced and stolen hall passes while other school matters—such as academics—have taken a back seat. “My AP World class has a long-term substitute, and we’re worried we won’t be learning enough to be prepared for the … Read More

Humor: Olney and Brookeville Start World War 3

by Jared Schwartz ‘18 An international crisis has recently developed over escalating tensions between the towns of Olney and Brookeville. Many Brookevillians are calling for autonomy from Olney’s tyranny. It remains unclear how Olney in any way has control over Brookeville, as Olney is an unincorporated town with no formal government. Still, Brookeville’s three town commissioners have voted to unilaterally … Read More

Humor: Communism Is Cool Again

by Noah Corman ‘19 Increasing numbers of Americans’ political leanings have shifted towards communism. Drawn in by a link titled, “What economic system are you?” test-takers nearly crashed BuzzFeed’s servers with their eagerness and political curiosity. The single-question test asked people whether they enjoy free stuff. After confirming everyone’s love for complimentary items, BuzzFeed’s complicated algorithm identified the vast majority … Read More

Humor: Vine’s Legacy Continues To Live on after Death

by Lucy Kuchma ‘18 It’s been almost a year since Vine was officially shut down, but the true Vine-lovers out there have not failed to keep its legacy alive. When Vine first announced it would be ending, it was stated that the company would keep the website around so that, although new Vines wouldn’t be created, people could continue to … Read More

Humor: Locals Worry That Olney Is Becoming Too Gentrified

by Josh Averbach ‘18 and Lexi Matthews ‘18 Olney has welcomed a score of new businesses to bolster the booming metropolis. One developer called the new Olney “an oasis in the desert that is Northeastern Montgomery County.” While many are excited to see their doors open, some worry that the Washington suburb may be losing touch with its roots. “I’m … Read More

White House Staff Reports Trump Secretly Likes Kim Jong-un

by Frank Platko ’18 For all Trump’s threats of “Fire and Fury,” signs are emerging that an unexpected bromance is forming between Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump, who Kim once called a “dotard.” “Behind the scenes, Trump sings a much different tune on North Korea,” said an anonymous White House source. “He very much admires some of Kim Jong-un’s qualities … Read More