Mystery Shrouds Sudden Disappearance of Seniors

by Noah Corman ‘19  You may have noticed that there are noticeably fewer and fewer seniors in the hallways than usual. If so, you are not alone. Many staff members have spoken up about this mysterious occurrence, demanding answers from the SGA.   “I just don’t know what happened to them. One moment they’re here, and the next moment, they’re gone,” … Read More

Humor: Students Become Glued to Phones, Literally

by Noah Corman ’19 Many adults and parents, especially those of older generations, have said that kids and teenagers spend too much time on their phones. They have even joked that kids are glued to their phones, but that joke is now a reality. Teachers reportedly exhausted themselves trying to tell students to get off their devices, so they slackened … Read More

Humor: Students Form Hall Pass Black Market

by Noah Corman ‘19 Sherwood’s administration is under scrutiny for its lack of attention given to important school issues. Of late, the school has focused its attention on misplaced and stolen hall passes while other school matter, such as academics, have taken a back seat. “My AP World class has a long-term substitute, and we’re worried we won’t be learning … Read More

Humor: Spoiled Brat Throws Tantrum after Rejected from University of Maryland

by Natalie Murray ‘18 Senior Chad Fitzgerald has everything he wants in life—a good group of friends, a cute girlfriend, a really nice car, a varsity letter from being the captain of the lacrosse team—but he does not have a college acceptance letter. After 18 years of having a perfect life where everything goes his way, Fitzgerald is struggling to … Read More

Humor: MCPS Finds Allies in the Far Right Due to Mutual Fear of Snowflakes

by Josh Averbach ‘18 After a recent snowstorm, MCPS employee Rob Sanderson accidentally texted Jake Richards, a controversial right-wing commentator who he had been friends with decades ago, a message detailing his hatred of snowflakes. To Sanderson’s surprise, Richards replied enthusiastically. “Bro, tell me about it. I just had to cancel an event last week at West Texas College because … Read More

Humor: Death of Bathroom Parties Makes Way for New ‘Classroom Parties’

by Joshy Averbach ‘18 and Isabella Pilot ‘18 After 2016’s incident involving an injured security guard and a mob of rowdy students, Sherwood thought it had seen the last of “bathroom parties,” which teacher Paul Brown referred to as a “scourge on our otherwise pure school sent straight from the depths of hell.” However, in an attempt to celebrate their … Read More