Q: What do Madonna, Dick Cheney, Whitney Houston, Prince Charles, Ted Kennedy, Jay-Z, Al Gore and Bill Clinton have in common? A: Yes that’s right; they’re members of the Illuminati! by Diana McDermott ’13 I am scared just writing this article. One of them might read it and come for me. What I am about to tell you is a … Read More
by Andrew Wasik ’13 On the night of March 13, all across America, math teachers will fall asleep tucked into their beds after a long day of teaching and grading an endless stream of papers. But this night, unlike any other, they will have trouble falling asleep. March 14 is Pi day, 3.14. A day that math teachers, and only … Read More
by Michael Crooks ’14 Juniors Tommy Carswell and Jack Sadler wake up at 6:07 every morning. The next-door neighbors each hop in their red Ford Explorers and follow each other closely as they drive to eat their daily breakfast at Panera. Both get “the usual” (a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese), and sit down at a two-seat table in … Read More
by Danny Cutler ’13 OLNEY, MD—After using the new iPhone dating application Tinder, 17-year-old Missy Callow believes that she has finally found her true love. About one week ago, Missy was matched up with her new boyfriend, Peter Sham, who is a tall, tan, 21-year-old model for Polo Ralph Lauren. Unlike any other dating application, Tinder uses current location and … Read More
by William Keilsohn ’13 To: County Service Unit # 877241 From: Department Service Unit # 003235 Subject: Quarterly Progress Report # 03 Transmission: As of February 14, 2013 it can be reported that this department of the Ministry of Learning has made considerable gains in achieving the countywide goal of eliminating the looming threat of originality and the heresy of … Read More
by Maria Claudia Garcia-Rada ’13 Reading about twins in The Warrior’s Feature section, got me to realize how much I appreciate having a twin. Some people think there are more negatives than positives to being a twin, but I’m here to tell you all the pleasures of having a twin. Being a twin has some perks, one being that you … Read More
I admit that I am moved by the eloquence of Wasik’s words. While I appreciate the underserved praise that he heaps upon me, his remark that implied I was a coward cut to the bone. Like Crazy Horse, I’ve always believed that the brave men go to the front while the cowards hide in the back. But then, look at where such a … Read More
Dear Huck, A man once said “Anyone can deal with victory. Only the mighty can bear defeat.” That quote is from Adolf Hitler but let’s just ignore the source for now. It happened. Yearbook beat newspaper in dodge ball. Our worst fears realized. It was hard to watch, but it was harder to hear you articulate those words to us … Read More
Dear Warrior Staff: This is my formal notification of resignation as the Advisor of The Warrior newspaper. Upon acceptance of this resignation by the 2012-2013 Warrior staff, my last day will be June 9, 2013, or earlier if a suitable replacement is found. I appreciate the opportunities I have been given in my twelve years in this position. More profoundly, … Read More
by Cal Wilson ’14 Students believe that after school, teachers just calmly grade papers or attend boring teachers’ meetings; however, that is just what the staff wants them to think. Once the halls are clear of students and all the hustle and bustle of the school day has died off, eight teachers get together and relieve their stress from the … Read More