Where’s the Humanity: No More Yoga Pants

by Robel Wondimu ‘13 On December 7, social networking sites were set ablaze with the outrageous news that yoga pants are being banned in MCPS. For the most part it seemed like hot air stretched way out of context. What really happened is one school banned it and all other MCPS students misinterpreted it as being applied in their local … Read More

Senators Propose New Holiday

by Cal Wilson ‘14 In an attempt to pull residents of the United States together, Senators Bob Corker (R- Ten) and Kay Hagan (D-NC) have proposed legislature to create the national holiday of Christ-ukah-nzaa. The suggested holiday incorporates a collection of the holidays Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. If Christ-Ukah-Nzaa becomes a national holiday, students will have off school on every … Read More

Comics from December 1 Issue

Waldo Tries to Find Himself by Michael Wagner ‘12   Thanksgiving by Andi Hopkins ’14     The All-Nighter by Michael Wagner ’12

‘Man vs. Wild’ Host Bear Grylls Talks Survival

by Michael Wagner ‘12 “Man vs. Wild” Host Bear Grylls emerges from behind a tree after he downed a pint of his own urine to ward off dehydration. Dropping temperatures and an early setting sun: these are sure tell signs that we are heading into winter. This year, however, may prove to be harsher than ever. In order to have … Read More

Abolish Women’s Suffrage?

poll and analysis by Robel Wondimu ‘13 Results: 33 males and 32 females responded yes: Total of 65    students responded yes 27 males and 15 females responded no: Total of 42     students responded no The Warrior conducted a poll asking students “Do you believe women’s suffrage should be abolished?” Two-thirds of the student body polled responded that it should. This … Read More

Opening New Harris Teeter Attracts Dangerous Business

by Paul Szewczyk ‘12 On April 27, Harris Teeter opened its doors in Olney, now occupying the former site of the infamous Olney 9 Cinemas. Harris Teeter now shares its shopping center with ice cream parlor Baskin Robbins, Subway and the family friendly restaurant Greene Turtle, among other restaurants. Customers are attracted to this new market, and are willing to … Read More

An Average Summer Day for an Average Teenage Superstar

by Andrew Wasik ‘13, A special to The Warrior   BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I wake up at exactly 12:01 in the afternoon. I look to my left and I see an old yogurt container filled with ketchup. To my right is a wild Snorlax snoring and munching on my foot. I realize I don’t know where I am and I’m scared. … Read More

Epidemic Threatens to Overwhelm School

by Holly Cuozzo ‘12 Also known as “Spring Fever,” “Laziness,” and “H1-N2,” Senioritis is an epidemic that is quickly infecting students of all ages.  In MCPS, Sherwood is the most infected school with a whopping 97.6 percent of students suffering from this highly contagious disease.  “Every day, I see more and more students in here simply sick as dogs.  We … Read More

Misuse of Word “Awkward” Drives One Staffer to Rant

by Michael Natelli ‘14 Has this ever happened to you? “Hey Bob, I like your shirt!” “Yikes … That’s awkward.” Well, thanks to the all new Anti-Awkward Machine version 1.0, all of those problems can magically go away! (If only life was that simple…) Each and every day, I suffer through hearing what is perhaps the most annoying word in … Read More

Notes To Nancy: On Love

Dear Nancy,

My English teacher hates me! I try so hard to pay attention and be quiet in class, but she always yells at me. Plus, she gives me awful grades on all my essays.

-Enemy of English