by Zach Geller ‘25

The foreign exchange student program is a new plan by Sherwood this school year, bringing in kids from Europe to study here in the States and experience American life. The success of this program has led MCPS to announcing its new and exciting Foreign Exchange STAFF Program. This may be a bittersweet moment for Sherwood students, seeing their favorite staff like social studies teacher Scott Allen being replaced by a group of three gnomes, English teacher Patty Jasnow coming back as a French mime, and social studies teacher Dan Soso being replaced by a Russian grizzly bear.

The most notable change is with Principal Tim Britton, whose position will be filled by one “Mr. Britain.” There are mixed opinions about this leadership change. Some fear for how British “cuisine” will somehow find a way to make cafeteria food even worse. Others are really excited about this new change, thinking having Britain in the building could provide motivation for a Dentistry elective. Here are some of the highly anticipated changes Britain has promised in his Declaration of Cultural Assimilation:

1. Dress code will be updated so that all jackets must be red

2. Ertzman Theater will be renamed to Ertzman Theatre

3. School security may be quartered in student houses

4. “One Sherwood” motto will be replaced by “Tally Ho!”

5. Sherwood leaves MCPS under a simulated “Brexit Initiative”

6. 3-cents-per-pound Tea Tax to be implemented on vending machine drink purchases

7. Advisory period will be replaced with weekly Tea Time

8. School shootings are now forbidden

9. AP Lang renamed to “The Queen’s English”

10. And one last one just labeled “REAL Football”
Principal Britain acknowledges that some of these changes are controversial. When asked about how shutting off AC could possibly help the school, Britain retorted with, “Jolly good for the environment innit.”

Although this new exchange program is up for debate, there are also benefits to this program in the foreseeable future. Headmaster Britain has announced that the Class of 2025 Graduation Speaker will be hit English actor, late night host, and voice of High-5 in the Emoji Movie: James Corden!