by Declan Rooney ‘25

The Kansas City Chiefs won this year’s Super Bowl, beating the favorited San Francisco 49ers 25-22. The victory was the third consecutive upset win for the Chiefs in the playoffs, after taking down favorites such as the #2-seeded Buffalo Bills and #1-seeded Baltimore Ravens. They did all of this despite an underwhelming season, going just 12-6 because of struggles at wide receiver and the offense as a whole being inconsistent. That begs the question: how did a mediocre team come back to win their second straight Super Bowl?

The best quarterback in the league coming up clutch? A solid core defense stopping the best offenses? An experienced coaching staff brilliantly scheming to set their team up for success? The answer is liberal plant Taylor Swift.

At the start of the NFL season a rumor swirled around the league of a possible romance between pop star Taylor Swift and Chiefs All-Pro tight end Travis Kelce. The rumors were confirmed to be true shortly after, with Swift being seen attending Chiefs games and holding Kelce’s hand in the locker room afterwards. The NFL began to show Swift in her VIP suite after every play involving her sweet boo-boo bear, which was often considering he was the only reliable receiver on the team the whole year.

Many mainstream media sources characterized the focus on Swift and Kelse’s relationship as just a marketing grab by the greedy NFL, trying to capitalize on the huge Swiftie army of her fans. But this is just a cover up to hide the sinister intentions of the real purpose.
The 2020 election was a notoriously strange one; and one fun fact about that election was that it featured the largest two voter turnouts in American history. This means that the winner was able to mobilize more people to get out to the polls and vote, which Joe Biden was able to do part in thanks to Taylor Swift.

That’s right, in 2020 Swift endorsed Biden for the presidency and urged her millions of loyal fans to get out to the polls to vote. In fact, many attribute the election of several Democratic politicians to Swift during the midterms. USA Today noted, “Swift’s fan base tends to be younger and more liberal than the country overall, and although the new voter registrations aren’t likely enough to affect the presidential election, several 2022 U.S. House races were decided by fewer than 1,000 votes.” This reveals the true intentions behind Swift’s appearances in the NFL broadcasts.
This completely non-anti semitic “conspiracy theory” was revealed to us by former Republican presidential candidate and Tik-Tok star Vivek Ramswamy.

All season long, fans had to endure the face of leftist Medusa popping up on the screen after a Kelce catch, turning every man, woman, and child that made contact with her to a blood suckingCommunist.