Sherwood Expands Parking Spots for Students

Sherwood’s neverending hellscape often referred to as the student lot.

by Jordan Costolo ’25

Attention Juniors and Seniors: It has come to the attention of Sherwood administration and staff that the student parking is not the best. The parking lot is disorganized, rampant with students taking other’s assigned spots, filled with bad parking jobs, and littered with spots that are in direct sunlight or on uneven ground. So to respond to student complaints (and there have been many), the school has opened up new areas of the school to be used for parking. Students have spoken loudly and clearly, and we hear your voices!

The courtyards are nice and isolated, and they make a perfect place to park your car. However, they are difficult to get into for a person, let alone a vehicle. No obstacle is too difficult to overcome. The lower H and G halls will be open to auto traffic from 7:20-7:40 and from 2:50-3:10 for those students lucky enough to get a parking pass to the lower courtyards. Just remember to watch out for students and teachers as you drive your way through the school.

Near the football field, the bleachers can be used for parking from now on. Make sure to have your parking brake engaged, as a spot like this requires you to be careful getting in and out of the car, making sure you don’t tilt it the wrong way, as it could start falling onto the field.

If you have a friend that would not mind sharing a spot, then parking on top of other cars is a good solution to conserve space. However, the students will have to use their own mechanized lift or towing system, and will not be able to use the staff lift. It is advised to make sure the car on the bottom has a stable sunroof.

Parking in the front of the school could result in a special shout-out to your car, “Pardon the interruption, There is a Toyota Corolla in the bus lanes; whoever owns this car, please move it. Thank you.”

The roof of the school has recently been renovated to add new parking spots on the roof. This will be a perfect place to park during the 4th quarter, as it is right next to the Sherwood’s famous outdoor pool.

If you have not noticed, a portal to Hell has been opened near the student parking lot, which you are free to use without a parking pass. As you park here, watch out for gaping pits full of screaming mouths, bleeding eyes, and arms clawing their way out, and remember to stay within the first three circles.

Hopefully these new parking spots will help mitigate the issue of subpar parking until we are able to successfully renovate the actual parking lots in 2055