HUMOR DISCLAIMER: This article is intended as satire and uses the tools of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule in the context of contemporary politics, current trends, recent school events, and other topical issues.

by Ben Schoenberg ’24

Sherwood has implemented measures over the past few weeks to provide Sherwood boys with privacy and refuge for disadvantaged groups in the school such as vapers. A majority of the bathrooms at the school do not have doors at the entrance, causing insecure bathroom users to feel exposed. However, the school has piloted a new door for the bathroom in the upper C-Hall, potentially boosting student morale.

A consistent and saddening issue that plagues the Sherwood bathrooms as a result of open entrances, is the systematic discrimination of vapers. With the inclusion of a door, this minority hiding in the nooks and crannies of the school building can no longer be prosecuted for their choice of extracurricular activities.

Furthermore, no longer will boys feel awkward or exposed because the new door creates a layer of privacy and protection. With the new addition to the bathroom, people are not able to look into the bathroom while passing by in the halls and gaze upon the room’s occupants, vapers, and non-vapers alike. 

Further measures were put in place to uplift boys by decorating the door with yellow strands that exclaim “caution do not enter.” These decorations insinuate that there is danger inside this room, and this danger is the students inside. By implying that these boys are dangerous, they will feel that they are bad to the bone and very cool; therefore, raising their self-esteem.

Doors aren’t just for opening and closing and bathrooms aren’t just for skipping class anymore thanks to Sherwood High school. They now serve the purpose of shielding the common vaper and common man from outside forces, creating a utopia where the only rules are the ones you create.