HUMOR DISCLAIMER: This article is intended as satire and uses the tools of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule in the context of contemporary politics, current trends, recent school events, and other topical issues.

by Ben Schoenberg ‘24

August 30 marked the first day of the 2021-2022 school year for MCPS students. For most, the day went by with no trouble but for Sherwood sophomore Michael Moran, it was a far more traumatizing event. Moran and his family are suing MCPS due to the stress and strain caused by what the lawsuit describes as a “horrific” bus accident.

 Moran described in graphic detail the incident that occurred that fateful morning, including how he was able to make it out of the bus, considering the circumstances. “We were stopped at a red light when out of nowhere a car came speeding from the back and collided with the bus,” said Moran. “There was a loud explosion that shook the whole bus, causing the back half of the bus to detach from the front, only for the back to be hit by another car,” he later added. 

“As kids were screaming, I ran to the front of the bus, pushing away obstacles in my way, to get to where the driver sits to obtain cover, due to debris falling from the broken vehicle,” he divulged. “Things were calm for a second until the engine of the bus burst into flames that quickly engulfed the rest of the bus.”This bus accident, which according to Moran resulted in 12 injured and 2 in critical condition, took place only hundreds of yards from the school itself, occurring right in front of the Sandy Spring Museum and newly built church. 

From local police reports of the incident, there was seen to be sparse damage to either the bus or the car that hit it. None of the students, including Moran himself, were injured and all were escorted back to the school after administration and first responders got to the scene. It was only after his homeroom class, during which time Moran apparently called his parents in the bathroom, did he realize that the accident was much more severe than what it appeared to be to all the other parties involved. He is fully convinced that the bus broke in half and exploded into a fireball, resulting in several injured students. His parents stand 100-percent behind his account. 

“When we got the news about our son we were absolutely distraught, this is our son! No one else is allowed to make him cry!” yelled his mother, Stacey Moran. “The school district has to pay for this atrocity, and litigation will begin immediately,” added Paul Moran, as he comforted his sobbing wife. 

The reason provided as to why Moran and his wealthy family decided to sue was that they believed it was unacceptable for him to be almost late on his first day of school, as Michael has stated that he arrived in homeroom a minute before the bell rang, so they decided the most reasonable decision would be to take immediate legal action against the school. His family’s lawyers have been showing up to Sherwood and various MCPS buildings since the incident occurred and they have been seen loudly whispering to various staff members and administrators. So far Sherwood and MCPS officials have decided not to make any public statements on the matter, their reasons currently undisclosed.