Senior Column: Wait, Do I Need a Headline for This One?

by Nick Stonesifer ’20

Why is it that the most beautiful things are cut short? The lives of brilliant people, true love, my time on the Warrior staff as a humor writer? It’s all so tragic to think in an instant the most wonderful things in life can just be taken away without warning. That’s why during these uncertain times we must be reminded to appreciate all that we have in our lives and cherish what we love. But sadly, be reminded that the world will never be graced with another Nick Stonesifer humor piece, and to all of you that said, “thank God,” I will find you.

With Coronavirus cutting my senior year short, I can’t help but feel disappointed; losing the one time in my life where people would just look up to me simply because I spent an extra year doing the exact same thing as them is disheartening. But it’s not like I was peaking or anything; I’m pretty sure that more than 50 percent of the people in my grade read my name and go, “Nick Stonesifer? Isn’t that the kid genius who makes everyone smile and never misses an opportunity to give you all of his attention?” To which someone else would respond, “No. Nick’s that kid who just says really obscene things and expects people to like him. Kinda pathetic when you actually get to know him.” 

But even if Coronavirus did cut my senior year short, I can honestly say the most fun part of my year was joining the newspaper staff. I started the year in newspaper having no idea what I would do as a member of the staff, until Mr. Huck posed one simple question: “Is anyone in here funny?” Once I heard this, my eyes jumped from my skull; I had found it. A way to get out doing real journalism. I could make up fake quotes and make reality whatever I wanted it to be! The power trip I’ve been searching for my entire life. 

Inspiration for my first piece came from all of you! When you’re a fly on the wall, you see things from a different perspective, and suddenly the actions of others become humorous, and all of the ridiculousness of our school could be put to paper. But when you’re a fly on the wall, don’t be surprised when you get squashed. I’m sad to report I was jumped numerous times for all of my subtle harassment in the newspaper. No, not really. But it’s a miracle I wasn’t, I was practically begging for it. But then I remembered! The people who dislike me most would NEVER read any of my articles anyways. I was safe, in a country with a free press where I may express my thoughts freely. As a proud American should.

All jokes aside, I truly did enjoy Newspaper and can safely recommend it to anyone who is on the verge of joining. Do it. And to those who still have time left in high school, don’t squander it. Enjoy every bit you have left. Maybe read one of my articles while you’re at it.