Humor: Students Devastated at Discovery of Sherwood Elementary’s Word Theft

HUMOR DISCLAIMER: This article is intended as satire and uses the tools of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule in the context of contemporary politics, current trends, recent school events, and other topical issues.

by Jimmy Yates ‘21

When Principal Eric Minus started at Sherwood, he immediately brought with him change. Minus introduced new expectations, “Pillars of Excellence,” and even slogans. Weeks into his first year as principal, Minus coined the phrase “One Sherwood” to promote an undivided and collaborative atmosphere. “One Sherwood!” Minus would stay to students. “One Sherwood!” they would respond. The phrase united students and created a “together” mindset. Sherwood High School and students were happy and completely unique, or so they thought.

Students knew there was another Sherwood down the road, Sherwood Elementary School. Most students drive past it on their way to school. There was little concern that Sherwood Elementary was competitive with Sherwood High or used the same expressions. However, when senior Eli Bloom asked his cousin, a student at Sherwood Elementary, if he had heard of the phrase, Bloom, and eventually Warrior Nation, learned that Sherwood Elementary uses the same “One Sherwood” catchphrase that Minus brought with him to Sherwood High School.

“This is ridiculous. We are The Sherwood. We are The ‘One Sherwood.’ Who are they thinking they can steal our slogan?” Bloom said he thought to himself. “The slogan ‘One Sherwood’ set us apart from everyone else. It made us unique. They better stop using our slogan unless they want to face Dr. Minus’ wrath.”

Students around the school are joining Bloom in demanding that Sherwood Elementary halt the use of the slogan immediately. Bloom has even created a club called “The One and Only Sherwood” to bring Sherwood Students together in trying times when an elementary school is causing high schoolers great pain and turmoil.

“It’s hard enough sharing a name with them. Then they go and steal our golden slogan. Nah,” stated senior Josh Kluska. “We earned this slogan, you can’t just decide to take it. On your dome, we will defend our school against those little demons who think they can copy us.” Kluska is also a member of the “One and Only Sherwood” club that Bloom created in response to the theft of their close-to-heart slogan.

While Sherwood High is taking a defensive stance on the issue, Sherwood Elementary is surprised that Sherwood High was offended and not flattered.

“We thought they would be overjoyed that we followed their lead to strive to promote unity in our school, like they did in theirs,” said Bloom’s cousin, fourth grader Liam Rogers. “It’s not like we stole a million dollar idea or anything, just a cute little two-word little that tries to bring us closer, like it did for them.”

Sherwood Elementary staff agree with their students, saying that Sherwood High is overreacting to the whole ordeal, and that students should just get over it.

Everyone seems to agree that the phrase ‘One Sherwood’ is the greatest slogan ever created. The question is whether or not two schools can be “One Sherwood,” and still coexist.