Candy Tax Devastates Youth

by Nathan Lampshire ‘19

Montgomery County created yet another tax that will surely test residents’ integrity this Halloween. The tax allows the government to collect 23 cents for each individual piece of candy on the Monday after Halloween. The tax was created to combat obesity and to generate more revenue for government-funded projects. However, the government is concerned that youth will be dishonest with accurate candy counts, causing legal issues that will result in hefty fines.

Mike Oxford, an 11 year old Rockville resident, expressed his outrage at the new tax on Friday at a Youth Against Tax street protest at Morningwood Drive. Oxford, the leader of local children who claim their freedom is oppressed by the tax, targeted the County Executive in his speech.

“Leggett screwed us over. This tyrannical oppression was precipitated by the despicable human. When we are denied the right to live the life we believe in, we have no choice but to become outlaws and burn this iron-fisted bureaucracy to the ground! This is war!” said Oxford, on the verge of a temper tantrum.

Albert Cohn, an 8 year old Gaithersburg resident, has a deep-seated hatred towards the government caused by the potential taxes he must pay on Monday. If, like last year, he collects more than 2,000 pieces of candy during Halloween, Cohn faces hundreds of dollars in taxes, a large amount of money for the young libertarian.

Parents are also not thrilled with the new tax. While earning only a few dollars a week from chores, kids will be investing in loans from their parents. This Halloween will cost parents an unprecedented amount of money.

Throughout Maryland, intense tax preparations are being conducted for Halloween. One way is through savings. While most youth do not have jobs, they are relying solely on allowance which comes from hours of back-breaking chores, greatly limiting the amount of candy each child can possess legally. Another preparation is by fasting. With plans to attain enormous amounts of candy, children are refusing to eat in preparation for consuming hundreds of pieces of candy in just a few short days before the tax. Doctors have advised many that this practice is unsafe for young children, but their words hold no value to kids with eyes set on candy.