by Alex Le ‘17

1. Make your presence known: be different.

Babes are a rarity, so it’s guaranteed that you won’t be her only pursuer. While other guys may woo her with sweet compliments and nice conversation, you will do the opposite. Insult her every chance you get to stand out from the crowd. She has dozens of dudes everyday telling her how beautiful she is, but if one person (you) tells her that she’s ugly, she’ll definitely remember you.

2. Make her feel lousy.

This girl is a perfect 10/10, an angel sent from above, the most beautiful girl in the school and she knows it. With a snap of her finger, she can make any guy do what she beckons. Your job, on the other hand, is to make her feel like she can’t get you. Make sure to proclaim how a girl like her would, “never be able to land you in a million years.” When asked why you think this, talk about all her imperfections and how they are absolutely disgusting. Phrases like, “Your eyebrows look like deformed caterpillars” work exceptionally well. For a girl who gets everything she wants, when she finds she can’t get YOU, you’ll have her on the hook.

3. Make her jealous.

This is the most important step. There are many ways to make your babe jealous, but the most effective one is communication. Flirtatiously snapchat, text, and direct message as many girls as possible, especially her best friends. Be sure to tell your babe how you have a crush on all of them. If she’s jealous, that’s the indication that you are doing everything right. Jealousy will only lead her to want you more.

4. Ask her out.

If you’ve done everything right, she should be feeling insecure and anxious. Now is the time to reel her in. Start a HUGE fight with your babe, saying how you feel she’s not treating you right and you deserve better and when she inevitably asks, “If you hate me so much, why are you still talking to me?” You respond with, “Because I like you. Will you be my girlfriend”

What ensues are the best three days of your entire life where you get to say that you landed a babe … until she realizes everything was an act, that she deserves better, and dumps your ugly self, so be sure to make those three days the best possible! Good luck!