By Will Van Gelder ’16

The sensation known as “The Real Housewives” is coming to our very own town of Olney. The Olney edition will be an offshoot after the newly airing “Real Housewives of Potomac.” Olney was an obvious choice as it exudes class and style, which of course is necessary for any reality show. The show airing in Feb­ruary stars five spectacular women so here they are:

Margot Phillips (age 56)

Margot is a sassy four-time divorcee, who is engaged to the love of her life, Brian Marks, the owner of the local McDonald’s franchise. Margot has six children, who are all very involved in sports and after school activities, and Margot is the coach of one of her son’s soccer teams, despite the fact that she doesn’t know how to play.

Karen Wilcox (Age 37)

Karen is a successful entrepreneur who hasn’t been working since the closing of her theater, Olney 9 cinemas. She scrapbooks in her spare time, but she has had to drive all the way to Michaels in Rockville ever since Olney’s Craft Country closed. She’s on her third marriage, but her husband has been on a “business trip” in D.C. for the last six months.

Sage Stonewell (Age 27)

Sage is the youngest of the group. She’s an entrepreneur who runs a jewelry store out of her house and has sold three necklaces! Her husband, Rod Stonewell, is a retiree who loves to travel despite being 70 years old. They met three years ago at a party at Grillmarx and Rod immediately moved her into his house. Sage and Rod have been trying to have kids for a year now without success. Sage loves her husband, her jewels and her friends.

Jackie Bradley (age 57)

Jackie is a great lover of the arts and is a patron at the world-renowned Sandy Spring Museum. She has three rescue dogs that she loves more than anything. She is a devoted activist who sends her daughter to Sandy Spring Friends School and has a part-time job as a professional protester.

Felicia Cashmere (Undisclosed)

Felicia is an Olney girl through and through. She has lived off of Prince Philip Drive her entire adult life. She is a devoted member of the Norbeck Country Club and is an avid Cadillac Escalade driver and latte drinker. She “works out” with her young personal trainer, Chandler, every Wednesday. Her go-to outfit is yoga pants and a white zip-up sweatshirt. Her husband is Olney’s most wealthy orthodontist, and Felicia always makes sure her teeth are straight and clean.