By Julia Gajewski-Nemes ‘15

When most parents have their first child, they feel the need to prove that they can be good at parenting and want to raise the perfect child in order to reflect those parenting abilities. They have the time to read up on the best parenting methods, research which stroller is the safest and buy the best mobile on the market. For years, they have been dreaming of this moment and have thought of everything they want their child to be. The second that the child is born, he or she already has dozens of expectations riding on his or her back. He is going to be daddy’s football star; she is going to be valedictorian of her class; their child is going to change the world and they will provide all the tools necessary to ensure his or her success in life.

Though the first-born child, who is generally structured, reliable and an achiever with involved parents, seemingly has the ideal life, he or she faces difficulties that remain unnoticed. As a first-born child with three younger siblings, I have experienced, and still struggle with, the burdens of being the family guinea pig.

Don’t get me wrong, having high aspirations for oneself and his or her children is important. However, children can easily perceive these expectations as too much pressure, stressing them out in a way that does more harm than good. This stress becomes especially evident when a younger sibling is thrown into the picture. At a young age, it is difficult for the older child to accept a sibling because up until that point, he or she had been the center of their parents’ lives. In an attempt to gain full attention back from their parents, they often work extra hard to meet the expectations of their parents. This then becomes aggravating to the child because the second child is often raised with less strict expectations and is praised for being happy-go-lucky.

However, high expectations and strict enforcement of rules are not the only things that are tested on the eldest child. The first-born also gets to explore uncomfortable situations such as how parents react to dating, friends, puberty, breaking curfews, drug and alcohol use, lying and moving out. No matter how a parent may approach it, conversations on any of these topics are guaranteed to be awkward–younger siblings do not understand how lucky they are to be learning from the sidelines. Alongside this, the eldest child is expected to figure out which high school courses he or she should take, how to do the math homework for a course that his or her parents took thirty years ago, how to prioritize and how to apply to college on his or her own. Not to mention the fact that it is then his or her responsibility to teach the younger sibling(s) how everything works after finally figuring it out for him or herself.

With all of this being said, being the eldest has its perks. There is nothing I find more rewarding than waking up in the morning and knowing that I have three young admirers that hope to one day be like their older sister.