– By Hunter Moore ‘15

A fight broke out in a Miami bar last Wednesday between old-school rappers and contemporary rappers. An eye witness said it was more of a battle over which style of music was better: the old-school clean-cut rap about not doing drugs, or the contemporary foul-mouthed rap about how awesome drugs are.
An eye witness identified those representing the old school style as the all-time great rappers Sir Mix-a-Lot, Run-DMC, Biz Markie, MC Hammer, DJ Rob Base and Miami-native Vanilla Ice. The middle-aged crew fought against rappers Big Sean, Fat Trel, Wiz Khalifa, Chief Keef, Drake, ScHoolboy Q, KiD CuDi, Macklemore and Mac Miller.
The fight between the two groups had no clear winner to start but with Macklemore on the young rappers’ side, they held a slight edge over the old-school crew.
Throughout the whole fight, Macklemore just kept bragging about his four Grammys asking all of the old-school rappers if any of them won the number of awards he had in his first year of making music professionally.
The youngsters would have won the fight if it wasn’t for the notorious hothead DMX who arrived late to the fight. An anonymous source said he witnessed DMX do cocaine before the fight, which is the reason for him almost taking on all of his opponents at once.
Mac Miller said that he believed DMX fought everyone as if they were George Zimmerman. On the other hand, Vanilla Ice thought he could have taken all the “youngins” on by himself, easily. He also claimed that the fight started because he and his old school rappers just want the respect they have earned and the respect they deserve.
“That was so mean and insensitive of them to fight us; we were just minding our own business,” said an upset Drake. “Expect a few songs about this, and be ready to feel the pain I felt.”
But the old school rappers had no remorse on the subject, especially DMX, who said that talk was cheap and that his dogs took care of business.
“If you ever see me and my big-booty loving old-school rappers, do not even compare our music to that of this new breed of rapper,” said Sir-Mix-A-Lot. “Unless, of course, you are alright with a good, old-fashioned, 90s-themed beatdown.”
An anonymous contemporary rapper said that he does not intend on returning to a bar where he may have a run-in with one of the old-school rappers who just beat him and his crew down.