By Chase Wilson ‘17

Sophomore Will Lancaster was suspended recently for disrupting class constantly. In Lancaster’s fourth period, teacher Nancy Plywood told him repeatedly to “stop his face from being so annoying.” After the third warning, she sent him to the principal’s office where he continued, in an anonymous administrator’s words, ‘to be ugly.’

The Lancaster family, and more specifically attorney Douglas Lancaster, tried to sue orthodontist Phillip Zagoni after Zagoni installed a new experimental apparatus on Lancaster’s teeth. The contraption is designed to improve the structure of the upper and lower front teeth by constant movement and UV light.

Unlike the traditional practice of a bar connected to the teeth through brackets glued to the front of each tooth, the new device includes a special type of silly band. The bands hold one micro-UV light and two motors that spin counter-weights.  The bands are used to correct Lancaster’s jaw while the UV light causes a chemical reaction in the gums. The two motor’s constant motion supposedly decreases the time which is needed to correct one’s teeth. Zagoni has a patent pending on the so-called “Thooth” apparatus.

“The new system is supposed to closely resemble the traditional braces,” said Susan Lancaster. “That’s what Dr. Zagoni told me at the first consultation.” Zagoni vaguely described the design and failed to mention the bands, lights or motors. The case is supposed to go to trial April 13. The Lancaster family is suing for $2,000 for emotional pain and suffering and are requesting a more attractive version installed at no cost to them.

“Lancaster is extremely beautiful on the inside, that’s all that matters, but for-real he was ugly,” said senior Jacky Horian. Lancaster’s removal from classes is to continue until a more attractive version of the device is invented. Until then, Lancaster will be home-schooled.