Com. 1: Ladies and Gentlemen, boxing fans, holiday partygoers of all ages, welcome back to the 2013 Winter Holiday Boxing Tournament. I’m Jim Davis, here with Mike Miller, looking ahead to tonight’s matches, which some folks have predicted to be the most gripping, unbridled display of pent-up wrath we’ve ever seen.

Com. 2: Unbridled is right, Jim. With this group, we’ve seen some pretty intense spats- the beach-vacation squabbles were rousing, the Turkey Day tussle was thrilling- but nothing brings out a true, deep-seated, embittered dogfight quite like family togetherness during the holiday season. What’s the best part you ask? No, it’s not the bob and weave or even the right hook. What make these battles particularly entertaining are the cutting remarks, emotional jabs, and awkward conversations that perpetually feed off tension, anxiety, and Christmas trees.

Com. 1: I couldn’t have put it better myself. This year’s semifinalists have passion like I’ve never seen before. All year, these raging relatives have been vying for the chance to set foot in this iconic ring. For this family of fighters, winter break isn’t your typical winter wonderland… it’s… SANTA SMACKDOWN!

Com. 2: If I dare say, tonight adds a whole new meaning to the good ‘ole family feud! We have three championship matches tonight, first the lightweight, then middleweight and then the infamous heavyweight. Lets meet the opponents, shall we?

Com. 1: In our lightweight championship, we have Bobby “The Boy” Jones versus his very own sister, Hannah “Hustler” Jones. Honestly, Mike, this pair doesn’t surprise me at all. Classic sibling rivalry, am I right? That being said, it should be a great fight

Com. 2: Oh definitely. I saw this one coming from the back seat of the car, twenty minutes into the car ride to grandma’s house. Hannah’s instigating facial expressions drove Bobby to take the first swing, but it didn’t last as Mom and Dad intervened, yelling, “Save it for the ring!” Hannah got the last hit and the last word, mouthing, “suck it” behind their parents’ backs.

Com. 1: Yeah, Hannah is sneaky and cunning, two valuable characteristics in this tournament, although, Bobby has a size and strength advantage, not to mention he packs a mean punch. Who will have the true last hit? Tune in to the festive free-for-all, tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, to find out! Now, let’s take a look at the next matchup.

Com. 2: Well Jim, our middleweight semifinalists include Mother, Susan “The Stallion” Jones, versus her husband, Charlie “The Duke” Jones. Charlie was in the hot seat during the car ride up to grandmas house this year after he forgot the carrot casserole AND cousin Johnny’s knitted sweater at home, although I’m sure he won’t be too disappointed with $20 instead.

Com. 1: You said it; emotions were high, especially after a few close calls in the snow on the highway. Those will, no doubt, transfer into the ring tonight. Charlie’s definitely got some pent up frustration that could serve him well, but honestly, I don’t think he stands a chance against his wife. One threatening glare from Susan will send “The Duke” back to the doghouse and “The Stallion” over to the winner’s circle with a shiny new belt.

Com 2: I can’t say I disagree. My money’s on Susan, but I’d be interested if Charlie’s building emotions actually led him to an underdog victory. Can you say Cinderella story? See what happens tonight at 7 p.m. EST. So, Jim, what’s the heavyweight championship looking like?

Com 1: Oh it should be a good one! Get ready for this: “Lights Out” Aunt Lacy versus the merciless Monster-in-Law herself, “Iron” Grandma. This battle has been brewing since the day little Lacy married Grandma’s favorite (and only) son. Grandma has got some serious issues to take care of tonight.

Com. 2: Grandma? I’m thinking Lacy will take this one. No amount of delicious holiday ham or pumpkin pie can make up for the condescending glances and backhanded comments. Her deep resentment and killer uppercut will certainly be present tonight. The only question is… Can she hold it in until the match? Find out at 9 p.m. EST.

Com. 1: I think that’s all the time we–

Com 2: — Wait, I’m just getting word that there will be a fourth, consolation match, airing at midnight tonight. The opponents? Uncle Jeff, who will have undoubtedly had one too many glasses of eggnog, and senile Grandpa Stanley.

Com 1: I don’t have much to say, except that Jeff might take a swing at himself, and Stanley will probably be asleep in his corner of the ring. They don’t argue that much anyways.

Com 2: Well, that’s the holidays for you. As the saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, go ahead and duke it out with your loving family at the ESPN Winter Holiday Boxing Tournament.”

Com 1: Thanks for watching our pre-match commentary, and be sure to tune in tonight to see the action. Happy Holidays!