by Cal Wilson ’14

Many have noticed the increasingly small size of the freshmen. The past four freshmen classes have been getting tinier and the reporters of The Warrior wanted to get to the bottom of it. After extensive interviews with representatives from MCPS, the reason for such a great height difference was finally uncovered. To improve students’ ability to recognize differences in people, MCPS Superintendent Joshua Starr decided to enroll a select few sixth graders in the Class of 2017.

Starr plans to continue to challenge the students in new and creative ways by incorporating subtle changes, according to his new “Building Our Future Together” program. The goal is to improve students’ social skills by teaching them to recognize differences in others. He hopes students will learn to better deal with diversity if they can first recognize it. Sixth graders deemed “exceptionally intelligent” have been promoted to ninth grade for a full year where they will attend high school classes before returning to their appropriate middle schools. The expectation is that students will recognize the differences between current freshmen and those of past years and report it to staff. Rumors abound that there is a prize awarded to the first student to report all the sixth graders in their school to a counselor or administrator.

A test run was conducted at Paint Branch last year, yielding wildly successful results. Fourteen sixth graders were enrolled in the Freshmen Class and all were revealed. Furthermore, the upperclassmen went out of their way to isolate them further by injuring them every week to warn the other students of the shorter kids’ differences. Starr’s expectations were further blown away when they started calling them special nicknames such as “Smurf,” “Strawberry Shortcake” and “Oompa-Loompa.” After the test run, Starr decided to extend the program throughout MCPS in hopes that other schools would display the performance Paint Branch students did.

The sixth graders have been instructed not to admit to their actual grade level and have been briefed on the supposed age, names of peers and recent events of freshmen so that they may blend in, although they are significantly shorter. Confronting an alleged freshmen will not help prove if they are an imposter. Instead, ask around the halls to see if anyone knows them. If they are a new face to Sherwood, act immature for their age and seem shorter than usual, they are most likely in middle school and should be reported.

The winner will be announced when all the freshmen are uncovered and shipped back to their proper school. So come on, Sherwood! Let’s go catch ‘em all, and remember, the winner gets a prize.