by Michaela O’Donnell ’13  

If I was 10 years old the first time I paid for gas. My mom handed me the $20 bill and told me the pump number. I remember gripping on to the bill as I made my way cautiously across the parking lot. How could she just expect me to know what to do? What do I say? How much does gas even cost? All eyes were on me and it was time to deliver. I rushed to the counter and blurted out, “Can I have $20 on pump 6! … Please.” The confused man punched in a few numbers as I waited for something to happen. Nothing really spectacular happened. “You’re all set,” he said to me. I was flabbergasted as I retreated back to the car, wondering why I was so terrified to begin with. After that, every “embarrassing” or “scary” task I encountered became less of a challenge. Talking to my friends’ parents, calling the hair salon for my appointment time or greeting people when I walked my dog were all actions that I thought every young person did.

Later, I found out that not all children were asked to buy the gas when they were in grade school. These kids who are lacking in real world experiences are the same kids that don’t say hi back when I greet them while walking my dog. They are the same young people who avoid eye contact while talking to me and the same people who choke during school speeches or stage performances. I now know that from an early age I have learned to rely on myself and my own capabilities.

 In my quest to find my passion, I was fascinated by music and performing; things that make even the most outgoing people nervous.

Regardless of how confident and prepared I am before a performance, I’m still that same 10 year old girl buying gas for the first time with feelings of jittery anticipation. Surprisingly, I have begun to look forward to it. The adrenaline and anticipation are what I have grown to love. Having that reminder of my initial nervousness helps me get over the fear of performing. It helps me realize I will always end up walking off the stage the same way I walked out of that gas station: thinking “that’s it?”