by Maria Claudia Garcia-Rada ‘13 and Alyssa Miller ‘13

1. Debug. We all remember the “Debug” system, a favorite amongst elementary school teachers and counselors: Ignore, move away, talk friendly, talk firmly and get adult help. However, in the modern high school environment, some adaptations are necessary. First, ignore all texts, so they get the message that you don’t want to talk. Then, move away – block their number, unfriend them on Facebook or unfollow them on Twitter. Talking friendly and firmly is pretty basic; tell them nicely to back off, then don’t be afraid to raise your voice if they don’t get the message. Finally, get “adult” help. We’re all adults here, right? Tell some friends that he or she is bothering you, and word will eventually get back to him that he really needs to stop.

2. Out-Creep the Creeper. Do your research. Find out what events he attends on Facebook, find out where he works, what his parents do for a living, the name of his dog, maybe even what college he hopes to attend.  Anything that is just too creepy for any ordinary person to know. When he realizes how creepy you are, he’ll do some self-reflection and start to back off.

3. The Awkward Method. You know those long paragraphs about her life that you just really don’t care about? Make your apathy clear. Respond to texts with “k” or “cool” until she realizes that you’re boring and gives up on talking to you. When you see her in the hall, don’t make eye contact. Look down and pretend to be overly shy and awkward.

4. The Taken Trick.  It works (almost) every time. Simply say you’re in a relationship when they ask about you. Talk obsessively about your significant other, regardless of whether or not the person exists, when making conversation anywhere near the creeper. Make sure to talk about how much you guys love each other and have plans on possibly getting married.

5. Be Honest. When he tells you that you would look hot in leather pants, tell him he’s creepy. If he tells you you’re the one for him, respond with “maybe when you’re older.” Make sure he gets the hint that you’re definitely not interested.

If none of these steps work, you really need to consider calling the police. Best of luck!