Witty humor to expose people’s stupidity and vices, submitted by AP Lit students.

by Scott Kivitz ’13
AP Lit Student 

One too Many Clicks

            What problems arise from trivial games!

Dreadful offenses lead to mighty shames:

I plead the Advisors, Muses of pasts,

Guide the story, no missteps unlashed, alas;

Simplicity in hindsight with new strength

The subject gains an ode or rather length.

Oh, say what perverted cause, then ignored,

Could allow an assault on a neighbor lord?

Tell me why a walk so ordinary

Could cause a nave to sing like canary?

How does the aggression of that long day,

Fizzle and fertilize flowers of May?

A gentle rain blows through, a rainbow new;

However, luck does not dwell in the dew.

As peasants to the kingdom rise and yawn,

The bell tolls, seven, yet barely knows dawn.

Students engendered to the golden door,

Only to meet the unfortunate war.

A war once begun by the gods of lore,

Always to finish with a body on the floor.

Eugene, was the first to school that sad day,

Along with him followed his guard McKay,

Intelligent angel of gray matter.

Sent to Earth only to help him flatter.

Swiftly, he flies all through the vestibules,

Unnoticed until he stops by the mules.

Unabashed, unprovoked, they state aloud,

“Gleam somewhere else, you are not of our cloud!”

The Flies they take over; it is the stench,

That of the grass, not green, but flame clenched.

Holding tight to Flies is mentality

For without they are ablaze with reality.

With not even a flinch, the Stoners snatch

All six ounces of Eugene’s shoes, but latch

Him up to the lockers with his laces.

Looking around at all the red faces,

He reflects to himself data compound,

But, how to respond, but with wit unbound.

Auspicious in a needed occasion,

McKay, appeared to whisper, “equation.”

With this, he remembered his old adage,

Strike with sarcasm; rather than cabbage.

Lips moving without extra contemplation,

“You guys are as cool as your frustration.

But you deserve more, just stand by, my friend,

I measure up only with mind suspend.”

With a roar of might, Eugene sprung his chains,

To find the morning’s tenth hour’s remains.

Lunchtime it seemed, with halls full of scholars;

But where could Eugene sit, so he wanders,

Only to find the Kings of the playground.

Straight to the leader, confidence profound,

Cool Teddy Westside, his name, girls his game,

But he swaggered a few words, “man you lame.”

Now this was the last straw, no more could bare;

Life has proved itself thoroughly unfair.

He shrieks, “You are so cool with your whiskey,

But I prefer not to be so risky.

Eugene pushed back, but Westside was upright –

Not falling down before the crazy night.

The school bell rings to end the bad nightmare,

Too bad the light was yet to disappear.

Twitter engages, advertising fun;

To Westside’s manor all partiers would run,

Even Eugene [and Mckay] made their way.

However, he showed up to Ted’s dismay.

Within every corner of the estate,

The brood hooked-up even those lacking date.

However, for Eugene, the night went wrong.

Westside hooked him up to a hefty gong,

And after multiple hits the gong rang,

Ending the party with a bloody bang.

A crowd surrounded the bleeding body,

But the cool kids ignored the non-hottie.

The nerdy nave no longer struts his stuff.

The night heated up; they all had enough!

No longer did Westside reign like a King;

Knocked out within the social boxing ring.

To late for redemption, Westside blubbers,

“Damn-it I wish I had some elastic Flubbers.”

Fallen from grace, he took Eugene’s old place,

Not on the gong, but to an empty space.

Alone, but not dead, that is pretty cool;

Darn, looks like it is again time for school.