by Michael Natelli ‘14

Has this ever happened to you? “Hey Bob, I like your shirt!” “Yikes … That’s awkward.”

Well, thanks to the all new Anti-Awkward Machine version 1.0, all of those problems can magically go away! (If only life was that simple…)

Each and every day, I suffer through hearing what is perhaps the most annoying word in the English language: awkward. It’s not even just once a day! It is this lingering problem that constantly nags me, like when my mother tells me to clean my room, or when a teacher tells me to stop talking, if not worse than those!

What does awkward even mean? Wait, why am I asking you? You’re probably one of them … you know … that group of about 1,800 students at Sherwood who don’t know how to use that terrible, terrible word. If that’s not the case, then I greatly apologize for taking a cheap shot at your intelligence. You’re smart. You’re one of the people I can actually tolerate. So, good job. But if you are one of these people without a clue, let me help you out a bit. Not to go all brainiac on you, but according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, awkward is defined as “Not easy to handle or deal with.”

Now let me ask you this question. What is so difficult about receiving a complement from somebody, or going to say hi to someone? What is so unbearable about being the only guy at a party, even when all the girls are talking about boys and make-up? Sure, that may be tough for a minute or two, but if you’re social, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Most guys I know, myself included, would actually enjoy that scenario, as any normal teenage guy should.

Now, let’s learn when it is ok to use … that word … so that all you little “Awkward Addicts,” as you’ve just been named, can use your most cherished device at the appropriate times. If you get a new seat in one of your classes, and you are put next to a former companion whom is apparently difficult to deal with, then that is awkward. If you show up to a formal dinner in a polo and khakis, but everyone is wearing a suit and tie, that is awkward. You’re just a bit under dressed, bud. If you’re talking behind someone’s back (which I hope you don’t) at lunch, and all of a sudden, that person shows up, that is awkward. You have to instantly change what you’re talking about.

Well, I could go on, but I won’t. You’ve heard just about all of big points in the fight to fix the use of the word awkward. So all I have to say is this: If you think there’s a weird moment, and you’re considering calling it awkward, don’t.