HUMOR DISCLAIMER: This article is intended as satire and uses the tools of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule in the context of contemporary politics, current trends, recent school events, and other topical issues.

by Taylor Wallace ’21

So, it’s that time of year again. A time where cute love songs fill the air. A time where every other post on my Instagram feed is of someone and their significant other doing cute autumn things. If you didn’t know by now, it’s cuffing season. For those of you who don’t know what cuffing season is, according to Urban Dictionary, it is a time when, “The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed”. Basically it is a time enjoyed by those in relationships and dreaded by those, like me, who are aggressively single, and unable to mingle.

I know I am young and I shouldn’t spend my time worrying about relationships, but it would be nice to have someone to bake cookies and go to pumpkin patches with. It would be nice to have someone to stay in and watch a marathon of The Office with. But no. I will be doing all of these things alone this year because for some reason beyond my control, no one wants to love me. And the worst part is that I can’t even ignore it. Love is everywhere and I can’t escape it! One of my best friends recently got in a relationship and I am not going to lie, they are extremely cute together, but when I first got word of it, I hated it. Soon after, I found that said hatred was actually called “jealousy.” Why does she get to have someone to love her and I don’t? Like, I’m a good person. I give back to the community. I leave my change in the vending machine for the next lucky user. So like… where’s my lover at?

This generation of teenagers already has a very interesting relationship with sadness. For some strange reason, us teenagers just love to be sad. I couldn’t explain it to you truly, but what I’m getting at is that being a teenager and being single in this day and age is not a good mix. As I have already mentioned, being single sucks. There is no other way to put it and anyone who tries to say otherwise is lying to themselves. A proven fact, according to every teenager ever, is that when we are sad, we would rather listen to depressing music to make ourselves even more sad than listen to happy music. When I catch myself in my feelings late at night, I immediately drown myself in the beautiful voices of Daniel Caesar or Drake. Therefore, proving my point on why being single sucks so much nowadays because there are so many good, sad, emo songs that fill the void of not having anyone to love.

We singles have two options during such a devastating time like cuffing season. We can either wallow in sadness and allow our loneliness to overtake us or we can embrace our singleness and focus on ourselves. I would love to tell you that option two is the one I’ve chosen, but that would be a lie. Don’t get me wrong though, sometimes I do try and focus on myself and turn over a new leaf, but like a druggie on the streets of Hollywood, I always fall back into my bad habits.

In all honesty, I am getting better and trying to just let it happen. I don’t remember who said it first but I read on a fortune cookie once that “Good things happen to those who wait”. Well, I’m here and I’m waiting. I’ve been waiting for the past almost 17 years and I will continue to wait. So, Universe, I’m talking to you. Go ahead and do your thing. I promise to continue to be a good person; just please send someone to love me.