Awful Candy May Have a Use

by Drew Scott ‘20

With Halloween right around the corner, an inevitable problem arises. Gross treats. Kids know which ones– candy corn, licorice, fruit, pretzels, just to name a few. Nobody eats them, so the treats eventually end up in the trash.

Seeing an opportunity to think globally and act locally, the Sherwood Eco Club has come up with a solution to use the uneaten food as a renewable energy source for the school. The club met twice in October to come up with ideas to make a difference, and they realized that Halloween is just as bad with food waste as Thanksgiving.

“My idea was to just throw the treats into a fireplace and burn it,” recalled junior Aiden Jones. “But my fellow members said that the fumes aren’t environmentally friendly.” After a long and grueling 45 minutes, the club decided to experiment with composting.

“It’s quite simple, actually,” said junior Paul Richards, the one who originally came up with the composting plan. “All we have to do is dig a hole, dump the candy in the hole, and cover it back up. It’s a perfect plan!”

A freshman member of Eco Club, who asked to remain anonymous, voiced skepticism about the plan. “You do know that the candy can’t be composted, right?”

The freshman asked aloud. Soon after, he was doomed to wander the halls during lunch to pick up trash for an entire week. He is no longer a member.

“I’m highly confident that our idea will benefit Sherwood,” said Will Andrews, the irreparably smug club president. “Since all of the treats are made of organic materials, they’ll decay and nourish the plants that grow under them.”

However, another freshman, Ronnie James, is worried about accidentally killing the plants. “But the wrappers will have no nutritional value for the plants.” James, not having much else to do other than Fortnite, is now forced to unwrap each leftover treat individually, and is also kicked out of the club.

Senior Joshua Joseph, the brash vice president of the club, saw the need to eradicate any dissent. “Like it or not, we’re gonna be composting the treats by November 1st.” Joseph said gruffly. “Now if anyone else has anything to say, you can go join those two rejects over there!” After he spoke, Joseph told the people that hadn’t been kicked out that he plans on putting the compost initiative on his college application forms. With the composting of unused Halloween treats, Sherwood will be ushering in a new age of effective treat disposal.