Humor: Death of Bathroom Parties Makes Way for New ‘Classroom Parties’

by Joshy Averbach ‘18 and Isabella Pilot ‘18

After 2016’s incident involving an injured security guard and a mob of rowdy students, Sherwood thought it had seen the last of “bathroom parties,” which teacher Paul Brown referred to as a “scourge on our otherwise pure school sent straight from the depths of hell.” However, in an attempt to celebrate their “Warrior pride” before graduating, various members of the Class of 2018 have instituted a new trend: classroom parties.

Rather than crowding the C-hall bathroom between 6th and 7th period, students choose a random classroom to storm at literally any time of day. Some have even broken into the school at night and on weekends. Students will chant things like “USA! USA!”; and “hail Satan”; jump around like they are at a rave; slap-box with random people around them; and occasionally pull out their juuls to kick things up a notch.

“Classroom parties are the perfect alternative to bathroom parties. There’s far more space for people to join, all genders feel comfortable attending, and there’s even desks to stand on,” said senior Zack Johnson. “Plus, there’s so much more stuff you can break, which is really fun. My friend broke his hand punching a hole through a Promethean board. It was completely worth it.”

And while bathroom parties were usually on days of big football games, there’s no rhyme or reason to when classroom parties occur.

“If I have a quiz that I’m not prepared for or class is just extra boring, sometimes I’ll send a mass text telling people to storm my classroom. A few times, I’ve even blackmailed teachers into giving me a good grade or letting me skip class by threatening to welcome an angry mob into their class. It’s come in real handy,” said Johnson.

Security had no comment on the issue at this time, but teachers have been vocal about their concern. “Every time I see a group of students in the hall outside my classroom, I flinch. You never know which room they’re coming for next,” said a teacher who got on both knees and begged us not to print her name in fear of retribution from rowdy students.

To throw off administration, students have begun to branch off from simply throwing parties in classrooms. There have been incidents in the nurse’s office, janitor’s closets, and the career center.

“Sure, some people have gotten hurt, but it’s all in good fun. This is a way for us to create an illusion of unity with people we’re gonna leave in a few months and never see again. The blood those students are bleeding runs Warrior blue,” said Johnson.