MCPS Implements New English Class

by Jared Schwartz ’18

In order to maintain its position as an elite school district, MCPS is adapting to today’s electronic age. Inspired by groundbreaking novels such as “Emoji Pride and Prejudice: Epic Tales in Tiny Texts”; and “YOLO Juliet,” MCPS will be offering electronic literature or e-lit beginning next school year.

“I hope the class is as lit as its name,” said MCPS’ Secondary English Curriculum Coordinator Angela Hill.

The primary focus of the new class will be to teach students how to analyze and compose emoji-based literature. The class will encourage critical analysis of emoji choice, such as an author’s decision to use the crying emoji with a stream of tears over the crying emoji with just a single tear.

“I hope students will be able to apply the skills they learn in this class to their day-to-day text-based interactions,” said Sherwood English teacher Adam Brown.

Students will also be encouraged to engage in conversations about controversial topics such as race-based emojis and Apple’s decision to switch the gun emoji to a water gun.

Instead of being graded on an A to E scale, Electronic Literature will be graded on an emoji scale from the tears of joy emoji to the tears of sadness emoji.

“I just looooove emojis. This class is truly a dream come true!!!!!!!!!!,” texted junior David Kirkman to The Warrior.

Kirkman’s text has since been added to the Electronic Literature curriculum, so students can analyze Kirkman’s expert usage of emojis.

Electronic Literature will be available to seniors and it will count as a full English credit that students can take instead of Honors English 12 and AP Literature.

Guidance counselors are already anticipating a decrease in enrollment for AP Literature and Honors English 12.

“I really wish I had the opportunity to take E-Lit instead of AP Lit,” said senior Allison Ortega.

Not all educators are convinced that an Electronic Literature class will provide the same reading comprehension skills as a traditional English class.

“I hate the idea of this class because I am an old fart who hates fun and progress,” said an MCPS English teacher who wished to remain anonymous.

The teacher was then seen taking an ice cream cone out of an eight year old child’s hand and throwing it on the ground.