White House Staff Reports Trump Secretly Likes Kim Jong-un

by Frank Platko ’18 For all Trump’s threats of “Fire and Fury,” signs are emerging that an unexpected bromance is forming between Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump, who Kim once called a “dotard.” “Behind the scenes, Trump sings a much different tune on North Korea,” said an anonymous White House source. “He very much admires some of Kim Jong-un’s qualities … Read More

MCPS Implements New English Class

by Jared Schwartz ’18 In order to maintain its position as an elite school district, MCPS is adapting to today’s electronic age. Inspired by groundbreaking novels such as “Emoji Pride and Prejudice: Epic Tales in Tiny Texts”; and “YOLO Juliet,” MCPS will be offering electronic literature or e-lit beginning next school year. “I hope the class is as lit as … Read More

Students Kneel During ‘Warrior Wake Up Live’ To Protest Tyrannical Administration

by Josh Averbach ’18 and Lucy Kuchma ’18 Following a number of controversial decisions by Sherwood’s administration, many students have begun kneeling during the daily broadcast of “Warrior Wakeup Live” to protest policies that one participant described as “tyranny.” The movement was started by a small group of clubs and teams, such as the Jewish Student Union, Debate Team, and … Read More

Letter to the Editor

submitted to Jared Schwartz ‘18 Dear Warrior Staff, As a long-time reader of your esteemed newspaper, I am extremely concerned with your paper’s stance on global warming. With the closing of the winter months, many people, including scientists, have expressed the false belief that global warming has somehow caused this winter to be unusually warm. In fact, they seem to believe … Read More

Sherwood Travel Ban Draws Controversy

by Josh Averbach ‘18 In response to concerns about school security, Sherwood’s administration has implemented a temporary “travel ban” on students from Blake, Quince Orchard, Walter Johnson, and Paint Branch from entering school premises for any reason. The administration has determined that unsavory elements within these schools may present a risk to Sherwood’s security. This means that the barred schools’ … Read More

Principal Gregory Slams The Warrior

by Frank Platko ‘18 After a series of print and online articles reporting on possible ties between Principal Bill Gregory and the administrations of rival schools Magruder and Blake, Gregory has continued to attack the media through a series of tweets. “Do not believe the FAKE NEWS Warrior newspaper, Huck is a total lightweight. They’re the enemy of the students. … Read More

Over the Years, Teacher and Student Have Become BFF

by Natalie Murray ‘18 Junior Angelo Ruiz arrives at the fourth period class that he aides in. He runs over to his friend’s desk, says, “Hi Christine!” and hugs her tightly while jumping up and down excitedly. Afterwards, Ruiz walks to his desk and sits down, while his friend walks to the center of the room and says, “Alright class, … Read More

Students Respond to Absence of Exams

by Lexi Paidas ‘17 When normally the halls would be filled with the sounds of students running around asking teachers questions and for extra last-second help, only an eerie silence remained. The first semester without exams has produced much different student attitudes than expected. Instead of being happy and relaxed without the weight of exams on their shoulders, students are … Read More

How To Deal with the Fact That You’re Single

by Alex Le ‘17 1) Utilize Friendships In your times of trials and tribulations with singleness, friendship is the ultimate remedy. To deal with being single and sad, you’re going to need the support of your friends 24/7. While real-life friends are great, they aren’t awake every hour of the day like the Internet. The best way to make online … Read More