Colorado colleges see inexplicable increase in enrollment.

By Leo Corman ’15

An emerging trend has baffled college admissions analysts across the country: students really want to go to school in the state of Colorado. That much is certainly clear, as statistics point to a 27.3 percent jump in overall enrollment in universities and colleges across the state, with an even more astounding 40-percent increase in applications to Colorado schools. Colorado is apparently the place to be, but no one is quite sure why.

According to one admissions expert, these findings are “absolutely remarkable. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before—I simply cannot explain it. It’s as if these kids have some sort of bodily compulsion, a physical craving, for life in Colorado. I just wish I could understand why.”

Of course, there is no shortage of speculation as to the causes of this recent phenomenon. Some postulate that Colorado’s ideal location in the center of the country has made it an enticing destination for students from all over. Others have hypothesized that prospective students were attracted by Colorado’s raucous celebration of Volunteer Recognition Day (at least that’s what students seemed to be so excited about on April 20). A few have theorized that the rise in admissions is linked to Colorado’s glorious skiing and snowboarding tradition. However, these people have been cautioned to not stereotype Colorado by associating it with winter sports and emphasizing only one aspect of the state. Nonetheless, all studies performed to date have been inconclusive, and the source of this momentous migration remains undetermined.

One incoming freshman to the University of Colorado at Boulder, who identified himself under the pseudonym “Bro Weiss,” said the main consideration in his decision was the campus atmosphere: “It was just a really chill vibe, you know? That’s what mattered to me: the chill factor. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle a school that wasn’t chill. But I’m totally stoked to be here. They’ve got frats, Frisbee and females—What more could I want? I’m also pretty excited for my hydroponics class this semester, if you know what I’m saying.”

Mr. Weiss also mentioned that the school cafeteria has an excellent baked goods section. While the motivations of Colorado’s new college students continue to be hazy, Colorado schools have undoubtedly smoked their competition when it comes to appealing to high school youth.

In other, unrelated news, recreational marijuana use became legal in Colorado on January 1.